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Monday, May 19, 2014

Ever have one of those days?


You know…
One of those days. One of those days you just don’t feel like talking?
I’m having one of those days. Which is inconvenient, because sometimes. I get paid to talk. I know what you’re thinking. It makes no sense. The part that sometimes people actually pay me to talk. Out loud even.
Occasionally, I’m even required to have a serious conversation with real people. I KNOW?!? That’s even crazier than the “getting paid to talk out loud” thing. Usually, when I’m having one of those days where I’m required to have a serious conversation with real people (when I’d rather be doing something that's really important like talking with my Interweb “friends” in the Dorkisphere about which is better - Star Wars or Star Trek) I try to snap myself out of it by asking a serious question. Like: "can any of the guys in the room make machine gun noises with their mouth?" That generally will derail a serious conversation... because guess what? They all can!!!e
But today, I’m tired of talking.
I’m tired of listening.
I’m tired of meaningless conversations. I’m tired of hearing the same regrets, the same complaints, and the rest of the same bullsh*t.
I’m tired of people talking just for the sake of talking. Complaining about things they can’t change. Or worse - complaining about the things they can change. When I say “complain” I’m not talking about the times when you are talking about your problems in an effort to look for solutions. That can be constructive. I'm also not referring to the times when you share your experiences (good and bad) when you're trying to bring friends and family up to date on the latest in your life. Part of being human is sharing our experiences and supporting each other.
We ALL complain from time to time. I think the important question to ask is: how often do you complain? 

I think you might be onto something, Jane Wagner! At least it feels that way for me today. So for all of you who are tired of all the complaining or those of you who can’t seem to stop complaining, or those of you who just like to talk for the sake of talking, here's a few things I think we should all stop talking about today. 
1. Being Tired
Go ahead. Ask around. Take a poll if you want to. Ask people if they care how tired you are.
(Hint: They don't).
I feel pretty confident making that statement because I say this a lot. Sometimes I say it even before I know if I'm really tired or not. Are you really tired? What is really going on? Is telling someone you're tired going to improve your life in anyway? Maybe you're not really tired at all. Maybe you're just talking to fill the silence. No one cares how tired you are. Everyone is tired. Get an extra hour of sleep at night. Take a nap. Get off Facebook or your phone. Read. Meditate. Write about it. Complaining about it is boring and it's like saying, "I am a person".  Duh!
2. Your job
For most of us, work is a necessity. I hate it when that happens! Most of us spend more time at work and around our colleagues then we do with our own families. If that's not a good reason to try to enjoy yourself, then what is? 
3. The weather
Everyone deals with it. It's not just you. Unless you're in another state or country around the people you're sitting next to, I think it's a pretty safe assumption you can take it as a given the weather didn't pass them by. If you're hot/cold/wet, chances are they're hot/cold/wet too. It sucks. The world is ending. We get it. Do we really have to talk about it?
4. Your amazing relationship
I know. It sounds so, "bitter party of one your table is ready." But unless all of your friends are getting unlimited foot rubs or BJ's its probably better to keep quiet about it. 
5. Being Single
Maybe you're single because you complain so much? 
6. The last time you had sex
Go to a bar and pick someone up. Buy a vibrator. Or better yet. Just shut up!
7. Justin Bieber
Unless he's causing you direct harm, ignore him. Yes - he's on drugs. Yes - he's crazy. You don't have to listen to him, or go to his concerts, or pay attention to him.
8. That weird thing that happened to you
Guess what? It probably wasn't that weird at all and whyareyouboringmewiththiscrazystory? 
Sorry. The voices in my head. Sometimes they argue with each other.
9. Your dying phone battery
It happens. Guess what? There are starving kids in the world who have never even seen a cell phone. Maybe you shouldn't be on your phone so much? Maybe this wouldn't happen if you didn't text so much? No one cares if you can't Instagram that amazing dinner you cooked for yourself while you're waiting for your phone to charge.
10. Internet lists 
Unless they're ones I'm writing (of course). If you hate Internet lists, just don't click on them.
And last but not least...
11. SELFIES
If you're tired of selfies get off Facebook. Instagram. Snapchat. Twitter. Or any other social media platform. You don't have to see them if you don't want to. 

What am I missing? Feel free to add in the comments.
I have said it before and I will say it again... There is an EXTREME NEED for a sarcasm font ;-) 

1 comment:

  1. Great list.

    I would add #12... The Political Bogeyman or Bogeywoman you hate.

    President Obama is not the Anti-Christ and doesn't hate America and isn't hellbent on destroying our lives. Neither was either Bush and neither is either Clinton. Don't be a whining pawn for the extremist fringes of both sides who want to see you angry and arguing. Just shut the hell up. You live in Paradise compared to 99% of human beings who ever lived on this planet.

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