It’s a New Year! With each new year brings another opportunity to set new goals, to redefine yourself, to start with a clean slate, to... wait for it... write another chapter on those blank pages of the “next year of your life”.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
I wanted my first blog post of 2014 be something uplifting and inspiring...Something I could use to motivate myself to write a kick ass chapter on those “blank pages” in the book of my life. But I changed my mind. I'm all about setting goals. But New Year's "resolutions"?!? Not so much. They never work. At least, not for me.
Instead, I'd like to explore another topic. A topic inspired by conversations I had with several friends while catching up over the holidays. Before I get started, I feel I need to make this disclaimer now... I was on heavy cold meds for pretty much ALL of December - especially during the holidays season when many of these conversations took place. So Nyquil may have inspired some of this too.
Are you ready? Here is goes…
Why don’t men today have any balls?
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, or have just watched too many Audrey Hepburn movies. But I believe men should go after what they want. The more I look around, the less I see men treating women the way I know most of them were raised to treat us. What happened to those romantic gestures and bold moves? What happened to pulling out chairs and holding doors? What happened to walking on the outside of the sidewalk, closest to the street? When did it become acceptable to just text a woman, inviting her to “hang out”? (translation - come over and let's bang).
I know what some of you are thinking. I’ve read the studies on why chivalry is dead too. Men are apparently "afraid" of offending women when they exhibit old-fashioned manners and offer up their seat on a subway, or ask if they can carry those heavy bags up the stairs. In the name of feminism, I believe it’s fine for women to ask men out if they feel comfortable with that. I'm not... but to each their own. I'm capable of carrying my own bags, but what can I say… part of me is still “girly”. It's nice when someone asks if I need a hand. I’m not ashamed of it. And that girly part of me can’t help but want to be courted. What happened to a guy going after a girl until she agrees to give him a chance?
I can feel some of your eyes rolling right now. You're thinking about that scene in The Notebook. You know the scene I’m talking about…
Corny? Maybe. But it’s only corny if we make it corny. Personally, I think it’s heroic to put yourself out there, even if that means getting turned down. I know it’s not easy, guys. Over the years most of my good friends have been men. I’ve heard their stories about the different ways they’ve gotten shot down. I've watched it happen. It can be brutal.
But guys… Not all women are bitches. Some of us understand it shows masculinity and bravery to put yourself out there and fight for something you want.
Seems like a lot of men these days are waiting for women to come to them. When did men stop caring about love and start caring so much about their egos? Don’t they understand they are just denying themselves that slim possibility of finding real happiness? They’re letting their pride get in the way before they even have a chance to fall.
After hearing some of the adventures - and in some cases, misadventure of friends while embracing my Nyquil high over the holidays, I decided to conduct my own informal, and not very scientific study. So I polled some friends (women and men - with an impressive sample size of 11) to try to find out some of the possible reason men have LOST their balls:
They don’t know what they want:
Which is okay... because that's where they are. They may just want to have meaningless sex for the rest of their lives. Because marriage is outdated, stupid, and a real man never settles for just one woman. Right? That’s it, marriage is outdated, marriage is stupid and real men never settle for one woman. But just because you don’t want to marry her doesn’t mean you can’t date her. We understand that marriage is becoming an outdated institution, but shouldn’t that just be more reason for grand gestures?
They think they’re going to get another chance:
They think that connections will keep happening. They think that meeting girls they're interested in will be a reoccurring theme throughout their lives. Newsflash, guys. It doesn't work that way. Finding someone worth liking doesn’t happen every day. You could be throwing away your one chance to find that special someone because you think you might run into her again or there are plenty of others out there just like her. But when you're 40-something and still chasing the bottle service bimbos at the bars hoping to find her again it might not be that easy to find her. Because she'll be off with the guy who had the balls to go after her. And you'll just be THAT guy. The weird old guy at the bar. Don't be THAT guy.
Men have become desensitized to women because they are everywhere now. Why work hard when you can just Tweet or Facebook message the next hottie that posts a selfie? In an ever-changing landscape of communication between 140 character tweets, LOLs and ROTFLs, it sometimes feels like we've lost our ability to communicate altogether. Doesn't anyone talk anymore? Text talking. NOT the same. Talking can actually be useful when you're trying to get to know someone new. Smartphones. They're not just good for texting and internet-surfing, guys. You can actually use them to make telephone calls.
They Bruise Easily:
Men are actually fragile creatures. Their egos bruise easily. When women get a broken heart they cry about it, drive their girlfriends crazy analyzing what happened, do some retail therapy, and try to move on. With men, once a girl breaks their heart they are tainted forever. They lose trust in all women and are afraid to put themselves out there again. But that's not how you live life, guys. Yes... putting yourself out there can be scary. It can make you vulnerable, and that can lead to getting hurt. But without the risk, where is the reward?
So there you have it... The results of my Nyquil-fueled non-scientific study into why men today have no balls. But before I close, I have a few things to say to the ladies out there. What is the biggest reason men today have no balls?
The real problem here is that women, for one reason or another, have become complacent and allowed men to get away with putting in the minimum effort. We've let them think its okay not to have to put in the effort of romantic gestures, dates, flowers, etc... and if they do - we talk about them like they're stage-five clingers. Ladies... if a guy wants to take you out to dinner, it might actually be because he's a nice guy and he wants to spend some time with you. I know?!? But it makes sense. Think about it.
Maybe this year women should make a resolution/goal/whatever New Year self-motivation mantra that works for them and wise up and start asking for what they deserve. You know, the things that used to be automatic - like holding a door, pulling out a chair, paying for dinners. Until then, men are going to keep getting away with putting up with the bare minimum and still getting what they ultimately want, anyway.
We own the cards, ladies. When we start acting like it... maybe we'll finally start getting dinner from places that don't deliver. A tractor chicken race would be cool too. Actually, maybe not THAT cool. This scene always cracks me up, though. Sometimes, it's the little things... ;-)